How to Poop Better than 99% of People
The Poop-Maxxing Protocol
The Poop Protocol
You need to be pooping more.
Everybody talks about HRV, sleep scores, and recovery indicators, but who’s out here checking in on their poops?
Pooping is important. Like mission critical important. If you’re not pooping effectively you’re literally full of shit.
Defecation is your body’s main exit ramp. Bile is how the liver dumps metabolized hormones, cholesterol, heavy metals and toxins into the gut for disposal. If transit’s slow, that stuff doesn’t leave. Instead it gets reabsorbed via enterohepatic recirculation (those that have been following my detox protocols know).
Constipation is literally you recycling your own waste. It is heavily correlated with autism, depression and hypothyroidism. Binders, saunas, liver support, all of it is pointless if you’re not excreting.
I felt it my moral duty to teach you how to excrete before I drop the binder protocol 2.0 next week for paid subs (read part 1 here).
This will be a PhD in Poopology. I’m going to keep it short and sweet. Take notes and apply expeditiously.
How to know your poops are good
The Bristol chart will tell you everything you need to know about poops.
Form. Bristol type 4 is the gold standard. Smooth, sausage shaped, holds together. (If you dont know the Bristol Stool Chart, look it up. 10 seconds. Its the shared language for everything below.)
Type 1 & 2 indicate constipation, slow transit, dehydration, or fiber deficiency.
Type 5-7 indicate fast transit, malabsorption, irritation, or infection.
Frequency. 2-3 well formed movements per day is the functional ideal. Consistency matters more than frequency. Same time daily, especially after waking or breakfast, means your gut is running on schedule.
If you want to know your actual transit time, eat a spoonful of sesame seeds or some corn and note when it reappears. 12-24 hours is the sweet spot. Under 10 is too fast. Over 48 and youre backed up.
Ease. Should pass within 1-2 minutes without straining, pushing, or doomscrolling. Should be noticeably “emptied” after. Lingering “still something there” feeling suggests incomplete emptying (or pelvic floor dysfunction).
Minimal wiping required (ghost wipe is the meta).
Color. Should be medium to dark brown. Indicates healthy bile metabolism.
Pale indicates bile flow issue (check gallbladder & liver)
Yellow/greasy indicates fat malabsorption
Green indicates fast transit, plant pigmentation, or potentially a bile dump
Black or red is possible GI bleeding and you should probably get checked
Buoyancy. Stool should sink or sit low in the water. Consistently floating, greasy, hard to flush stools suggest fat malabsorption or excessive gas production. Should not leave heavy skid marks or oily residue.
Smell. All stool smells, but it shouldn’t be noxious. Foul, sulfurous odor can indicate protein putrefaction, dysbiosis, or malabsorption.
Red flags. Persistent undigested food, mucus, or blood are cause for concern. Same with pencil thin stools that stick around. Any drastic unexplained change lasting 2+ weeks, go see someone.
How to Improve Stool Quality
